Through my experiences, I’ve lived through a cycle that has helped me build the confidence to bring my best self forward and continuously grow as a person. This is the 4E Cycle of Self-Development.
EMERGE
The first step to breaking a toxic cycle—whether it be a relationship, a mistake that you’ve made, a job that doesn’t satisfy you, or financial troubles—is acknowledging and admitting to yourself that you are not where you’d like to be. If I hadn’t realized that I was accepting an abusive, toxic relationship because of how I valued myself, I would’ve never decided to leave NYC and start a new life. If I hadn’t realized that drinking to get wasted is not cool, I could’ve drunk myself to death like my father. Or worse, ended up in jail without any freedom or agency to change.
Just like a mature, viable coconut needs to be planted in the ground for a new coconut tree to grow, you must plant the seed in your mind that you can and will change for the better. When you internalize that you’re not happy with yourself or how you are living—and that you are worthy of a positive change—that is the moment when you’re ready to change and begin to emerge from your current situation.
EMBODY
After taking that first step, and once you’ve internalized that you’re ready and worthy of change, only then can you start to take action. The old adage goes, “Practice what you preach.” That certainly holds true when it comes to reframing your mindset. You have to literally take steps to make progress.
This doesn’t mean that you have to run to the moon and back, but that you must intentionally take actions that align with the image of who you are going to become. For me, after leaving my last relationship—where I was called names and manipulated into not going to the gym—once I realized I was ready to change and had escaped that situation, I embodied my commitment by getting a gym membership and consistently investing the time and energy to become the new version of myself that I had desired.
EMPOWER
Once you start to embody your decision to emerge from your current situation, you’re going to need the tools and knowledge to successfully transform your life into the one you’re building for yourself. You can continue to take action, but if you don’t empower yourself with the proper tools and knowledge, you’ll most likely stall or plateau with nowhere to go.
When this happens, you have two options: you can give up and return to the same toxic mindset you’ve had before, or you can choose to be resilient and learn new ways to continue on your path. Although it may seem difficult, you must stay strong, and maintain your determination to make the right choice and continue on in order to set yourself up for success.
After I started going to the gym for a few months, I realized that I didn’t know how to properly use the equipment or how to make a workout plan that effectively met my needs. That is when I decided to empower myself with the knowledge of sports medicine. I spent months studying how the body works, how we fuel it, and how to create a fitness plan that aligned with my goals. I became ready to continuously enhance my fitness, which ultimately strengthened my mental resilience and endurance. I even became a behavior change specialist, aligning it with my career in leader development, because I truly believe that with the right mindset and knowledge, each one of us has the ability to start a new life.
Once I empowered myself, it led me to where I am today—full of self-acceptance and confidence every time I enter a room, whether it be a nightclub on the weekend or a conference room at work. I’m living proof that through determination, consistency, and community, you can become the best version of yourself.
And trust me, it feels good when you have that level of self-love and confidence. The way you perceive things changes, and you begin to really enjoy life as intended. When you empower yourself, you reclaim your confidence and, in turn, take back control of your life.
EMANATE
Now that I’ve built the confidence and self-efficacy to develop workout programs that have successfully enhanced my way of living, my mission is to empower other people in similar situations with the tools and support that helped me emerge and begin this new life. I now live to emanate my knowledge to ensure others will be equipped with the tools needed to begin their next chapter and become the best version of themselves.
We all know that time is limited and I’m not saying that I have all the answers. I learn something new every day—whether it be at work, at the gym, or out in the world, but If I can shorten someone’s time spent being unhappy with themselves by sharing the knowledge that I’ve gained, I’ll take that as a huge win.
Life is a continuous journey for each of us to grow, and then plant the coconut again—for ourselves and for each other. Yes, once you reach one goal, another begins to emerge. But the end result is a ripple effect where each one of us continues to grow and positively impact another person.
I’m excited for us to go on this journey together.